No satsumas in the coffee filter please!
by Moon Spinner
Summary: How can you even call yourself a Harry potter fan if you don't read this? Come on! It's got the weird sisters shoving orange-like things down my coffee maker! Harry goes skateboarding, and X-men is playing in the living room! in the next chapter I'll have


Satsuma

Chapter one: Libby

Our story begins with Christine at her computer, 12:55 at night, the day after Thanksgiving. She has been reading fan fiction, and trying to prove to everyone on the net that she is THE BIGGEST harry Potter fan on earth, by challenging people to intricate quizzes.

Her eyes droop, her head has fallen on the keyboardddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd….oh whoops! Sorry about that! She laughs…and eats another satsuma. (For those of you who are not educated in their daily doses of vitamin c, a satsuma is also called a mandarin orange, a lot like a tangerine, but definitely not the same thing. She's had about 14 today, and counting. Two things in her head, constantly keeping her up, and gracing her dreams, Harry Potter, and Nick Mojica, 

(Pronounced Mow-he-kuh) Oh you think it's funny? Shut up. I've had too much coffee substitute tonight. I'll send you a nasty virus, and delete your hard drive. I CAN DO THAT YOU KNOW!!!! In the meantime I'' getting more fake coffee. Actually it's called "Rajas cup", and I drink it cause it tastes just like coffee, but it's good for you, and it has no caffeine. I'm not allowed to drink caffeine…can't imagine why….

So! Back to where I was! (Where was that?) Oh yea with my head on the keyboarddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd…. Oh hey okay, I'm okay. Hehe….wow the screen is really ugh, lightish. So anyway something goes awry and……DUN DUN DUN!!!! My coffee maker has exploded! It seems I accidentally put a SATSUMA through the FILTER! Great! Orange juice! I'll put it all together in the blender, add some ice and mint ice cream and…..

::::;;;;;;The damaged satsuma is pelted from the coffee maker and hits Christine in the head.;;;;;::::::::

She wakes at 1:08 with her head on the keyboardddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd…

".Aaaw dangit! I did that again!" She says to herself

"Oh well I think you meant to do that! TEEEHEEE" Says a voice right next to her very loudly.

Christine looks over with surprised tired eyes and they bug out! She wants to scream, but if she does, her dad will come in and be mad about her writing dumb stories on the computer at 1:10 in the morning.

Right next to her is…..HER!!! It's herself! (And no, to the practical reader, it is not a mirror, she has been split in two by a coffee maker freak accident, quite common in the state of Washington, where we've got strange computer related freak accidents happening all the time.)

The other Christine is making a tent out of the table next to the computer, and pretending a bomb is going off, while reciting the Hogwarts sorting hat song from the fourth book.

Because Christine thinks about what she would do in weird circumstances like this, she hisses at her other self to get out from under the table. Her other self seems to be having fun with Emily's shoe, which she had left under the table, because she always loses everything.

Suddenly the other Christine jumps out from under the table, and breaks off a chairleg, pretends it's a lightsaber and acts out a scene where she chops off James Fishers nose and says, "HAHAHA! YEA ALLRIGHT ALLREADY!!! SO WHO'S THE BIGGEST STAR WARS FREAK NOW????!!!!"

Christine rolls her eyes.

The very psycho other Christine jeers down from the table at her. "Don't you roll your eyes little missie! You know perfectly well who I am!!!"

Christine suddenly lifts up her head and looks at the ceiling with her eyes very wide, and exclaims, "OOOHHH! I KNOW! You're the other me! THE LIBERAL ME! NOW I GET IT! Okay, so I've been split into two people! The person who thinks about it, and the person who actually does it. The shy and the extreme, the liberal, and the conservative!"

The weird Christine on the table looks disgusted, uhu, yea and all the other big words you like to use. She sees the piano, and shouts, "oho!!! I gotta do this!"

The weird Christine goes over to the piano, and looks it over, tut tutting.

Weird Christine: Well allright then! Harry Hun! Come out wherever you are!

Voice from inside the piano: Libby! I don't like you using the wand! You always get out of hand!

The weird Christine, (who we are now calling "Libby") has reached into the piano and seems to be dragging out a tall, black haired gangly boy with a lightning scar on his forehead. He looks out of place, but extremely hot!

Libby grabs the wand from him and swishes it at herself, and is dressed in a very cute satiny purple dress. The piano turns black. She sits on top of it, and taps a couple keys with her feet. Suddenly a very hot guy with a skateboard appears sitting at the piano bench. He's wearing a tux, and smiles up at Libby. 

Dream Nick (which is who this guy happens to be): How you doing sweetheart?

Libby crosses her legs and jerks her head in the direction of Christine.

Harry and Nick both look at her. They laugh.

Harry: Oh great joke Libby! We love it! 

Nick: Yea Libby come on! She can't be here the same time as us! We're her dream people for cryin' out loud!… and you're the dream her!

Christine still standing by the computer watching them at the piano: Oh I get it…(she looks like she doesn't) I'm having a dream! Oh okay…yea…::::;;;;dead faint;;;;::::::

It's 1:36 and Christine is awoken by Libby slapping her cheek, she mumbles, "but mom! I don't like turkey! And Emma Watson is still alive…" All the other people look at each other and grin.

Nick sighs with a smile, "well okay, you know the drill! "Got to kiss her awake! He said in mock sorrow, "terribly sorry Libby! Usually it's you doll, but under the circumstances…."

Libby: OOH! I don't think so Mr. Nickky poo! (Christine makes a mental note never to show this to nick) but It's your job as a DREAM dude, to kiss DREAM ME! The only person ACTUALLY allowed near the REAL Christine, is The REAL Nick! And that gets complicated in the REAL world! You catchin' on? 

The dream nick sighs wistfully, and Christine sighs too. "Well it was worth a try," she says. Libby jumps up, and announces, "well now that we can all see old mum has recovered to her conscious self, we can pick up where we left off!

Christine pinches herself several times. She then proceeds to hitting her head against the wall. On the way back to the Piano nick asks, "ugh, what are you doing?" Christine doesn't even look up while replying, "I'm….THUD!…..Waking……THUD!…..Myself…BANG!…..Up!….THUD!"

Dream Nick sighs and sits down at the piano mumbling, "mortals"

He strums an elegant note and his skateboard (next to him) hits him hard in the side. He pats it and shoves it off the bench. (His skateboard doesn't appreciate musical talent.) While atop the piano Libby sings the national anthem while Nick plays some jazz. Harry potter has conjured up the 'weird sisters" to play in the hallway. Libby pulls Enya out of the piano, and she sings "sail away"

Christine is in the kitchen eating another satsuma.. X-men is playing in the family room. Suddenly Nick stops playing, and shouts, "X-MEN!!! WOOHOO!" He scoops up his precious skateboard and flops down on the Italian leather couch. Christine reminds him to take his shoes off, or her mom will have a fit. Christine is still in the kitchen and she decides to dry the dishes because this is the very sensible side of her. Libby flops down beside Nick and they start making out on the couch. 

Christine scowls: Life isn't fair, but this is too much.

She sulks around the house and reminds Libby to take off her shoes while on the couch.

Christine spots Nicks skateboard. Hmmm…too bad she is the sensible half or she'd give it a try. Nick looked pretty busy at the moment.

Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Harry. "Kinda makes you sick doesn't it?"

Christine nodded. Harry grabbed Nick's board and grinning said, "well it may be 1:59, but why don't you grab your skates, and we'll swing it outside! I hear you're pretty good!"

They pass Enya, still singing in the living room. The weird sisters are in the kitchen putting satsumas in the coffee filter, along with those little alien coffee dudes from men-in-black, the movie.

Christine and Harry are outside. Harry is spinning out on the skateboard, and Christine is using the neibors driveway as a ramp. Harry does a shoot the duck style thing on his skateboard down the hill from the col-de-sac Christine lives in. Christine follows in an awesome downhill shoot the duck SO fast, she catches up with him. He just grins and shakes his head as she passes. 

Later: Harry and Christine are back from skating. They enter the house, and spot the destroyed coffee machine in the kitchen. They walk into the living room. X-men is playing the ending credits, and Libby has fallen asleep in Dream nick's lap. 

Nick: hey guys! You missed the movie!

Harry (mutters): Something gives me the hunch, so did you.

Nick blushes, and looks at his watch.

He groans: arg! It's 8:00 in the morning! How did time go by so fast?! X-men isn't THAT long!!!

Harry explains: Christine got off the computer last night in the middle of the story, and now she's writing it again, so it's 8:00.

Come on nick, we better go. 

Nick points at Libby in his lap, clearly stating he can't get up.

Christine smirks, and shoves Libby off him onto the floor. Libby rubs her eyes, and scowls at Christine. 

Libby: Allright then! We're leaving, but I hope you know we're not going back to your dream-world just yet! As long as I'm separated from you I'm free, and I know JUST where I'm GOING!

Libby does an impression of a bus driver, and pretends to be talking back to a teacher.

Christines face goes white. "ScHoOl?' she piped, looking rather discolored, "no please!" She grabs onto Harry's shirt collar, "you can't let her! She'll ruin my life! I have a reputation for peach sake!' 

Nick shrugs, "looks like your reputation just got a little more interesting."

Christine is dismayed. 'but can't YOU stop her?"

Harry doesn't look directly at her. "we….could…"

Nick looks away too.

Christine looks back and forth at each. "WELL??!!"

Nick sighs, "but she's the one that brought us into the real world. If we took HER back, then we'd go too, and the REAL world IS a bit better….."

Libby has now started playiny monopoly with the foot-rest. Libby is having a very fun time, because it's very easy to cheat, when you're playing against furniture.

Okay Libby, Nick chides, we're gonna let Christine go to sleep now, so she can wake up and think this is a dream.

Libby springs to life and shouts, "BINGO! I wIN!" she wraps her arms around nick in a tackle-style hug, and says, "Jolly good show old bird! Now you get some shut-eye, and think it's all a dream! We'll see you on Monday! Harry conjures them all jetpacks, and they crash through the ceiling.

Christine walks down the hall to her room, feeds Jaina her bird, and flops down on her bed, later waking to the false realization that it was all a dream.

This will be continued! Look under my name Hermoninny to see the second part as soon as I finish!


End file.
